I sort of accidentally propositioned the sexy male realtor yesterday. I was just coming home and someone pulling out in a nifty red car waved to me. I didn't know who it was but my female neighbor L drives a red car so i thought it might be her.

The person rolled down the window and i leaned down and chanted, "Road trip, road trip!" It's just something i do with all drivers because it's funny and i take public transit and miss road trips. I had my granny cart with me full of items from the dollar store ~ not very sexy!!! Hahaha!!!

"I have to go see clients," the person said and that's when i realized it was the sexy male realtor. I was taken aback and just called out a flirty "Bye!" and carried on.

I would NEVER have gotten in the car with him, as i won't get into a car with a stranger, especially not a strange man, unless it's a licensed cab driver. I don't even take Ubers because of security concerns. So i hope the realtor doesn't think i'm interested in going on a road trip with him. He's hot and everything, but i need at least a social relationship first, if not to fall in love.

We at least need to be friends, and he doesn't have time to get to know me, being that he's a busy professional with a girlfriend and probably still has his parents and extended family. He'd be cheating anyways, which doesn't bother me a lot, but it doesn't speak well for his character, tho it's mostly his body i am interested in!!! Hahaha!!!

Anyways, i have scars of a on my arms, so that's not too sexy either and a lover would probably not feel confident about having sex with me if we were not socially committed to each other first. I worry that sex with another human would be too traumatic for me, given the shattering betrayal by my husband. I might cry, or find it triggering and overwhelming, and what do you do after your clothes are off. It's already gone too far.

I wouldn't be alone with a man anyways, because of safety concerns. There are just too many obstacles to an experience with a man. I have such conflicted feelings about men, it seems hopeless. I like looking at them, and fantasizing about them, and am attracted to them sexually, but not socially. It seems impossible.

I'm not interested in an encounter that is purely sexual. I tried that after my divorce and it was disposable, i didn't have any feelings, and don't remember his name, or face, and could only give a very general description of him. He wasn't a good lover.

I don't know. Maybe i'll just focus on social relationships with women for the moment. Friendships. I'm not ready for a sexual experience with ANYONE.