I started out wanting to lose 15- 20 pounds, which was realistic because that is what I had gained, from a medication I was on.
I August I switched meds and began to slowly lose the weight. Now, at this point in my life, I had 14 years of recovery from a long battle with anorexia. I am 39 now. I lost the 20 lbs and couldn't stop there.
My anorexia was kicked into gear. I needed to lose 5 more. and so it went. I would be happy for a little while and then need to lose 5 more. It kept on until it became 43 pounds, I am 15 pounds underweight and struggling with all of my might not to lose anymore though the voice in my head wants me to. ANd I just remembered that all of my numbers are going to be xed out but the numbers are irrelevant. It spiralled out of my control and now I am fighting like hell and I feel like hell. I am in therapy, going into a support group, I have a psychiatrist and I am looking for a nutritionist. But I want to recover without gaining any weight back. I am doing the best I can for today and will keep trying but the obsession is real and it is strong and it just sucks you dry. Whether it is binging and purging or starving, they both can ultimately kill us. Seeking professional help is the only way to get through this, in my opinion. You can't cure yourself no matter how hard you try. To me, this is worse then quitting smoking, which I did a year ago.