Thanks, everyone, for the hugs and understanding why this was so disappointing and upsetting. That's why you can't talk about therapy to people who have never been in therapy, because they just would not get why I was so sad.

Suzy, my T has the 24 hour rule too, but I have never missed an appointment with him so I don't know what you meant about my T letting it slide a time or two. And I didn't miss my session last week because I was supposed to go today, not last week. Because I am so reliable, I am surprised T waited a week to contact me about why I wasn't there on the day he thought I would be. I wish he hadn't waited a week, then we could have had time to fit a session into his schedule this week. Oh, well. As for mixing up the day, he's not perfect and sometimes stuff happens. It was an easy mistake to make, especially since I usually see him weekly. Maybe unconsciously, he put my name on last week's schedule because he didn't want me to skip a week because he looks forward to our sessions so much. HA HA HA HA

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earthmama wrote:I don't think that tears are anything to be ashamed of. Someone you were counting on let you down...someone you trust and depend on. I hope you will let him know how this made you feel

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Thanks for understanding, earthmama. It will be hard to share this with him, but I will try. I think, at the very least, I will ask him if he can contact me right away if I don't show up for a session, because that would mean something is wrong.

After I found out I wasn't having a session today, the headache I've had for the last two days got much worse--just splitting. And I was tired, it was my day off, so I decided to take a nap. So I did that, and it wasn't very restful, and this is the dream I had:

I am in a sandy, vacant lot, with a few weeds, next to a building. Maybe it is a parking area. I am sad and crying. I dig a hole in the sand, kneel beside it, and cry into it because I don’t want anyone to know I am upset and I want to hide the wet spots my tears make on the sand. When I am done crying, I fill in the hole, and smooth over the sand with my hands. The act of doing this reminds me of burying someone or something, of kneeling by a grave. This makes me sad all over again, for whatever is in the grave, and I start crying again. I am very frustrated and upset with myself because I am getting the sand wet on top, and now people will see. I wake up, and I am crying.

Even my unconscious is grappling with what happened.