That all makes sense! Making amends is good, and again, it's great that she's letting you. But also, I don't think all of your anger at her was misdirected.

I think her responsibility is in letting your relationship become and stay as enmeshed as it is. One reason is why it's considered ... somewhere between bad practice and unethical, from what I read online, because it makes such "accidental" hurts more likely (unavoidable, even). It's highly unorthodox that she maintains this level of closeness and feels like a minor miracle that it hasn't led to complete disaster so far (and hopefully won't in the future). I'm not saying she's wrong for doing things this way, but the risk is huge and I can only hope she knows what she's doing. It's reassuring that she's dealing with it in her own therapy.

Even though my therapy with ex-T ended in disaster, I don't mind her making most of the "mistakes" she did. I mean, **** her, but also it resulted in much needed realisations and understanding. It wasn't necessarily "worth it" in the sense that the "learning process" caused at least as much harm as good, BUT. If I think of realistic alternatives, the more likely outcome would have been that I simply don't learn those things and remain stuck, with a far smaller chance that I miraculously find a therapist (or any other person) with whom I could reach the same result in a less destructive way. Even next-T, who was immensely helpful in mending some of the damage, might not have been able to get through that mess (and she might also be ex , she went on maternity leave over a year ago and wasn't sure when/if she's coming back ).

Mind you, she did not (or hardly ever did) 1. admit the possibility that I might have hurt her - even though she acted like I did; 2. accept apologies; 3. give any indication that she's getting outside help with my case (own therapy / supervision); 4. validate me or not get defensive when I tried to express she hurt me. So, L is very much not her.