ED's can be deadly overnight, muddy, you know that. A heart attack and lights out. Or you could recover or spend a decade or longer living in the same old h*ll. So I guess it's really has 3 outcomes: a fast death, a slow lingering death for as long as you live, or recovery. The thing is you DO have control over recovery whether you see it or not. Recovery is HARD, and for a lot of it I felt like falling back into the ED would just be easier all around and recovery impossible until finally I had to give recovery all I had to give and even more. At some point, I no longer had to force recovery-oriented actions, but I don't know what the tipping point was. I think just using CBT following those thoughts with action again and again, just repeating it, things finally just started going better. Though I hated all the weight gain and not exercising until I was more stable and drinking extra meal replacement shakes on top of eating meals. None of it was fun. Sometimes it's still hard and exercise is still a bit iffy sometimes, but I have actually lately had quite a few days feeling positive about my body image, and it's been awhile since that's happened. I hate my weight, but at least my body image is good. Crazy thinking, but EDs are crazy!