Yeah, I guess. I think I kinda protected myself by going into a bit of a people-pleaser state. I noticed I do that a lot if I talk to someone from the team the day before in a, uh, not great space when I'm afraid the next day they're going to pull an IEA or something. I covered it a bit with chatGPT and it said something about being taught compliance>actually going through treatment. Makes sense because I noticed a lot of my prior providers did not like being questioned one bit, and rewarded me in some way when I didn't (even if it was avoiding a fight vs actually explaining something I couldn't see from their POV at the cost of my understanding, sometimes being put on a med that was unnecessary or harmful, them not understanding ME but thinking they do, something along those lines). It didn't really hit me until after, but I did survive the appointment so, yay?
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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