I'm really frustrated by how i behave around men. I want them to want me, even when i do not desire them. I feel rejected if i'm around a man and he doesn't pay attention to me, even if i am not attracted to him. It's really dysfunctional. Something to work on in therapy, i guess. Every tiny sign of rejection from a male stranger re-awakens the shattering agonizing global rejection by my ex-husband. Boy, am i ever sorry i ever got involved with him.

I know if i just spend the day quietly tomorrow i will recover. I just overdid it today AGAIN. I seem to overdo it every second day. I don't seem to learn. I'm so dissatisfied when i stay home, but i am overwhelmed if i go out. There doesn't seem to be any happy medium. Maybe i should get back with ZOOM events?