I have been consumed by revenge fantasies, but I have very good reasons for them. I have read, though, that actually effectisying revenge is not nearly as satisfying as planning it. So one has to be careful with how best to proceed. This is not what you wanted to hear, as you wanted to go back to your old loving self, but I wanted to mention that you very well might have good reasons to desire revenge; you might have been wronged in a particularly cruel way.