Thanks Unaluna. To answer your question the grandmother lives closest to us. She's about 20 minutes away in a care home. I think that's why the bride and her family are expecting us to bring the grandmother. It's my husband that does all the doctor appointments, prescriptions, groceries, laundry, etc. His brother (grandmother's son, bride's father) does very little and when they came to town for one of our kids graduations recently, the expectation was the grandmother would come to the graduation, but the do-nothing brother (bride's father) told grandmother he was not taking her to graduation and followed through on that. So with that I think we're even more justified to tell grandmother we're not bringing her to wedding. However I think there's a secondary problem here and that is that my husband is afraid of his brother and is going to put himself (and all of us) through the unbearable task of taking grandmother 5 hours away to wedding simply because he does not have the guts to stand up for common sense. I'd personally like to level that whole family with the inconvenient truth that grandmother is not going to be brought by us. But I've been told to stay out of family issues that are not mine. Sadly, this is complicated.