Since my pdoc mentioned medical hospitalization and feeding tubes and all that I've pretty much been binging every time I can't sleep (occasionally purging, but that's not super comfortable with (maybe now multiple?) prolapsed pelvic organs, and neither is using the bathroom of any capacity so the last time I got weighed the nurse was like "wow, impressive." and I just wanted to scream "Shut tf up! You'd be x lbs heavier if you replaced the sleep you should be getting with stuffing your face with bread and PB, "cheesecake" made from yogurt and a box of jello mix, and whatever else can be whipped up easily without turning a stove on and turning the 99F match-the-air outside studio into a 120F-God someone open a window to the 99F outside world to cool off studio."

I see my PCP next week but how do I explain to her

Anyway, if only restricting during the day just to consume probably ten times worth of what I would in a day in the few hours I used to sleep at night is recovery, I'm doing it really freaking well. Am still terrified of gaining weight, but not as terrified as staying where I am or losing and going back to the hospital.