I agree. Probably challenging for a lot of people. It’s kind of weird, but kind of makes sense: I’m really only reactive to L and H. My guess is because I’m most likely to be triggered by them and because I’m most vulnerable with them. And with L, it’s like a double whammy: my maternal transference and infertility grief. This last year with her, all I did was react. Overreact. I could have still processed my pain while acknowledging that most of it was from my past.

I’m excited and nervous about Tuesday. It feels a little overwhelming. I finally get to see her again. I finally get to touch her. And once all the dust has settled, it’s time to work on what happened so I can feel some relief.