I'm not really sure how to explain what my mood is this evening. Today, I had some things to do which was nice. I got some IV fluids, talked with someone on the phone, and went to the baptism/baptism party of the son of someone I know. I was able to see some people at the party that I haven't seen for awhile so that was nice. But, being around people I'm finding continues to bring up hard things for me so I left feeling the party numb/down (numb to block out other emotions). After the party, to help with this, I went for a drive and listened to music before going home. Now that I've been home for a bit and am just waiting until it's an acceptable time to go to bed, I don't really know what to do with my emotions since I can't really identify them. I do know a lot of it is connected to not feeling like I have any close friendships and not really knowing anyone where I live. I've always struggled to make friends, but I feel like I get worse at is as I get older. It doesn't help that I'm REALLY bad at small talk and so much of life is just that.