I'm doing good.

I went through a few weeks of pretty low depression.

Being in court terrifies me, but being there again made it less overwhelming. I'm becoming more comfortable with it. I'm working on positivity, putting her out of my mind more, and not letting her have access to my energy.

Court is delayed again, as she has lost her 2nd lawyer and is looking for a 3rd law firm.

She also had to pay the court fees and my legal fees for this last gong show in court.

I've been barraged with emails from her since to the point that I blocked them. There is zero accountability. The kids aren't speaking to her. To her, that is my fault. She wants to contact the kids and sends me messages. I relay the messages and tell her the kids aren't interested in contact. That is me alienating the kids and being in the middle of the relationship.... so I say, "Ok, you can reach out to them directly," but they aren't speaking to her, and by court order I am supposed to facilitate contact.... So there we are in the loop. Another problem with no solution.

Every interaction is the same... I'm supposed to be maintaining the property. OK, then let's prioritize what I should be doing for maintenance and repair. She won't do that, but WILL point out anything that isn't done, or find fault with what I have done. Just exhausting.

Oh, and it's my fault there is no settlement to date. Never mind that my lawyer requested case conferences with her lawyer multiple times and she refused stating, "I'm taking everything." But now we are 2.5 years in, she's gotten nothing to date, and it's my fault we haven't have a case conference.

Something that surprised me.... When we were in court, and it appeared the judge had pre-decided that she needed support payments, I thought to myself, "If I'm paying her support for the rest of my life I'll never find a partner again." And THAT surprised me, because up until that instant I had not even thought about having a partner again someday.

My brother snapped me to attention too. He said, "You're thinking about providing for your kids right now. Don't you forget, they have a lifetime in front of them. You need to fight so that you never have to be worried about becoming a financial burden to them in the future."

For now, again, things are good and things are stable.