Hi @NovaBlaze. Thanks for reading my post. I have been accused when writing that I "go on for too long", but when I start writing, it just feels a release. That is true not just for writings such as these, but anything I write in general!

Thankyou for your comment about the opening of my heart. I just want to finally record what truly has got me to today and not what conformity wants me to say.

I have just gone through a couple of years of change, some of which has been quite emotional. Losing my mum suddenly at the start of 2024, was such a shock. Each day I think about her and miss her. Due to my very early life which I havnt mentioned in my post, she is probably the only person that I think really understood me, although I never mentioned my thoughts about gender to her. My daughter due to her hard work achieved a First Class Honors Degree last year, so has moved to London to start her well deserved first job. We are so proud of her, but it has left a real hole in our life, as she remained at home while attending Uni. We miss her greatly, but it has to be this way. I have also had a change of role at work, which has brought in more money. Although money is far from everything, it does help to allow me feel less reluctant about experimenting with new clothing etc.

After having gone through these 2 years of changes, you could be right about me feeling more free to accept myself. Life is too short as they say, and to live with regret for not making the most of it, is not what I want to end my days with. To move closer to allowing myself to be put first is hard as I don't want to upset my wife who has been strong when our marriage has gone through its ups and downs, Maybe I need to get some courage and speak to her about my feelings, so at least she can try to understand what compels me to do what I do. That would be a huge and possible destructive move however for which I dont know what is best. You are right that labels are not really required, for to be me, but they can be an affirmatiion of who that me is and that I am not going mad.

I have never contacted anyone about gender issues, until my post on this site, it has always been the kind of thing I kept to myself. I wish things had been different so that I didn't need to confront all of this now, but there you go!

I will continue to post, as the skeleton is most certainly out of the cupboard Thanks again for reading and replying to my outpourings.