I got a sad text from my mom this evening… one of my parents’ closest friends is dying, and they may be going to Boston this weekend to see him for the last time. I’ve never met him, but he was a really good friend to my dad when they were in college together, and was the best man at my parents’ wedding. I don’t know why this hasn’t hit me until now, but I realized that my dad will be 75 years old this fall. My mom will be 69 in January. I’ll be 40 in February. Ladies and gentlemen… WHAT THE ****. This is more than my joints creaking when i stand up or me grimacing at the glints of silver I’ve started seeing in my hair. This is scary and depressing and sobering. I feel like it’s all going by so fast… when I first came out to Colorado, I was 27. Honestly, my twenties weren’t that great; I feel like I have gotten a lot out of my thirties— a lot of hard lessons learned, a lot of tough truths faced, and even some fun with friends and family as well. But what happens next? My parents are aging, and they’re physically falling apart as well— my dad just had to have both knees replaced, and my mom is practically a bionic woman with all the joint replacements and back surgeries she’s had. And then they will eventually die (although hopefully not for a good while longer— as annoying as they are, I do still love them). Then it’ll just be me and my sis, who lives in the UK. She’s about five and a half years younger than me, and we’re completely different. She’s very composed and I’m very intense. She and her boyfriend take forever to choose the perfect sofa for their new home; I just throw an afghan over my stained futon and call it good. I love her and will always have her back, but we don’t communicate that much. Mainly because we’re both so busy and we live in completely different places. I have never really feared death— I’ve always felt more comfortable with the darker side of things, to be honest. The shadows are a comfortable realm for me. That being said, for once I’m confused and uncertain about what comes next. I just don’t know how to deal with this for some reason.