My Support Forums - View Single Post - To Ease Bipolar Pain

LadyShadow · Jul 24, 2025, 02:05 AM

I have been fighting with myself if I believe that writing love messages, or leaving love voicemails to myself would even make a difference in my current state of self-loathing, hopelessness, loneliness and despair.

A lot of this has a lot to do with the constant ups and downs of bipolar - I am on VERY little medication even after having a really violent manic episode last year that cost me everything I loved. I fight through the depressive periods because I am afraid of what an anti-depressant would do in regards to enducing mania. I can absolutely NOT afford another manic episode.

So on the road to loving myself, I decided that I was going to write a "love voicemail to myself" and then speak it aloud in recordings that I wll keep to remember and reflect on. I am hoping this practice will change how I view myself - I do know it is a slow process and it will take a long time.

The Beginning

Hey, beautiful.

It’s me — the voice you rarely let linger in the quiet. The one you forget belongs to someone brave and full of light. The one you drown out when shame screams louder.

But I’m here now.
And I’m not going anywhere.

You don’t have to pretend to feel okay today. You don’t have to be cheerful or productive or fixed. You don’t even have to believe that this will help. All I’m asking is that you let this message reach some part of you — the part that hasn’t given up completely, even on the days you wanted to.

I know how hard it’s been. I know about the war you wage inside — the loud echoes of past mistakes, the whispers that say you're too much, too broken, too late.

But baby… you are still here.

You are still breathing.
You are still showing up.
You are still choosing life — even if today it’s just a threadbare kind of life, stitched together with shaky hope.

And I want you to know something: God is still here, too.

Not in the way people preach at you. Not in the shame or the shoulds. But in the raw grit of your will to try. In the trembling grace of this recording. In your teary-eyed decision to speak love into a space that has known only silence.

You, Lady Shadow, deserve love that holds steady through the storm — including from yourself. And I promise you this: no matter how long it takes, I will be the one to remind you.

You are not a lost cause.
You are not defined by what you lost in mania.
You are not too late for anything good.

You are becoming, still.

Let that be enough for today.

I love you. I’m proud of you. And I’ll be here again tomorrow.