Therapy went well. We talked about the cycle of avoidance and how that works and about my somewhat agoraphobic tendencies. She said to keep a sensation journal. Like write down what I’m feeling and what activity is going on during that time and keep writing things down like that. We updated my treatment plan goals since I achieved two of them and am working on the other one, exposing myself to more anxiety inducing situations and sitting with the feelings rather than avoiding them. I have such a hard time with leaving my apartment. Like I go to things I have to do like to the pharmacy or store or appointments or my volunteer job I’m pretty much entirely inside. And when I do go out I get severe anxiety and panic attacks so it’s always a huge ordeal and I come home exhausted mentally.

Like I’ll be anxious about getting on the bus cause it’s crowded then I’ll be on the bus having a panic attack because I’m worried I’ll have a panic attack. So I’m basically panicking over the thought of having a panic attack. It’s ridiculous.

I went to bingo today and it went well. I won a mop.

I’m gonna push myself to go to the library tomorrow and try to spend an hour there reading just to work on exposure to anxiety.

Tonight I start the increased dose of Lamictal. So am at the target dose of 200 mg now. A little nervous about it. I’m sure it’ll be fine but I’m also sure I’ll be anxious about it for a couple days because that’s just how I am about med changes.