F turned away from me in the lobby yesterday. It is very unlike her. I feel it is because i was not gregarious, cheerful, charismatic, talkative, and euphoric like i have been for months. We each have to save ourselves from drowning. The effort depletes us so that we have nothing left over for anyone else. People are attracted to me when i have love to give. People withdraw from me when i need love. My emotional pain repels people.