@canc

I'll check out the forums you recommended to me (maybe I'll post some of my poems). If the alternatives don't work I'll definitely try to see the next 4 years as a training ground. Even if it doesn't completely change the problem I think it does help to share here and to read other people's posts. It makes me feel slightly less alone. Thank you for haven taken the time to read everything I posted (since I know it can be a bit long), and thank you for having given me these suggestions. I think they maybe could help me.