I know, I know...

But.. I still don't care and I know it sounds awful to say that.. But.. Confidence is what I need, as a performer, I'll never get signed if I'm not confident and being a little thinner is fine, that's what'll give me the confidence to go up onstage and give it my all..

I am getting professional help, my mental health advisor is trying to change my mind, but I just won't let him.. He knows exactly what's going on in my head.. And I'm not going to let him change it.. I can't, I really cannot let this go.. I neeed to be thinner, I need to feel confident.. I need to be happy again..

Food is something that I now find disgusting.. I smell it, I watch people eating it and I think.. '....How?! How can they do that?!'

It's horrid.. I know it is, but if it's what I have to go through to be thin, I'll do it.