I was pretty upset after my therapist appointment today and just wanted to check out, so I took the second half of my seroquel early. I have NO idea how I'm going to sleep tonight because I'm out of melatonin! Ugh.

Originally we were going to go to my parents place next week, but my therapist (and husband for that matter) HIGHLY suggested we meet in a neutral setting, so I texted my mom back and said we'd love to take them out for lunch on Thursday instead.

I just want to cry. My parents make me feel so bad about myself. And guilty for that matter. When I'm with them I completely shut down. My therapist recommended I try to be myself.... but I don't want to talk to my parents!! I don't want to tell them anything! I have serious religious based trauma because of them! Last time I opened up to them my mom called me a ***** and my dad wouldn't speak to me and all because I lost my virginity to some assshole who took advantage of me while I was drunk. I was 18. My parents verbally and mentally abused me. I hate them, and I feel guilty about hating them. I love them because they're my parents obviously, but I hate e them as people. And it makes me feel so damn BAD.