Yeah, even now years later I can recall the euphoria very warmly, not the insane blackout mania but the highly intoxicating euphoria that comes first. That’s hard to give up in stabilizing your life. For me it was always a slow build up, of increasing energy, colors and narcissism. I got very irritating to those around me until I went into the crazy mania then I’d crash. My home was a disaster with a million things started and not finished then in my depression I was too desolate to clean up. It was the depression I sought help for.