I ended up moving my appointment with my psychiatrist up from September 3rd to this Friday August 15th. The past couple days I’ve been having sui thoughts and impulses. I can’t even remember that last time I felt sui it’s been so long. Many many years. I haven’t gotten fully depressed in a long time. My issues tend to be more mania than depression. I do get depressed and have attempted sui a few times in my life very long ago but it’s been so long since I’ve felt like that it’s almost hard to believe. Like I’m sitting here thinking to myself is it possible I’m depressed? I keep having the thought that I should end my life. It’s just a weird feeling for me cause it doesn’t happen often. Anyway, I’ll see what my psychiatrist says on Friday.

Maybe I’m just so sick of dissociation that I want to die to get away from it.