My existence is pathetic and I know it. Being unemployed for the majority of my life made me even more of an outcast. No skills, no future. Nothing. At this point, I don't even think my problems can be fixed. Searching for solutions only made my life worse. I have been watching videos about people in Japan who are described as hikikomori. People who isolate themselves after facing difficulties with anxiety, depression etc. I even struggle to fully relate to them, but I live a similar life. I only go outside to purchase groceries. I try to help my mom as much as I can, mainly at home. Other than that, I don't do much. I feel guilty for not being able to help my mom out more.

I had to go outside again today. Looking at my face in the mirror makes me angry. I try not to think about how ugly I am when I'm outside. I know what people think of me since I was constantly called ugly ever since I was a child. My appearance still bothers me, but I know that nothing can be done to fix it. Even losing all of that weight didn't help. Sometimes I'll wear one of those covid face masks, but that gets me a few stares. It's even worse now that it's hot outside. People are everywhere, throwing their trash all over the place. Loud children running on and off the sidewalks. I can't stand it. Every time I make it back home, I'm finally back in my comfort zone. Then reality hits me all over again, reminding me that my life is a complete joke.