It sounds cliche, but asking the question is actually a really big step! It means you're starting to see where you are now, and maybe, there might be some other way, which is huge.

The next most important part to getting out of survival mode is seeing that you're in it and understanding how deep it goes.

For example, I'm just imagining here, how you relate to someone. That other person might have implied expectations of you, which you're probably quite attuned to because that other person is pretty important to you, so you have tuned into them a lot.

So, let's say you're having a bad day and that person asks you how you're doing. In survival mode, you probably figure out pretty quickly what answer the person would like to hear from you, so you offer it.

Getting out of survival mode starts with noticing how you respond in those situations, like actually seeing yourself in real time responding in that way because you're literally working from a place of survival.

The idea is to step back at that point and ask if this is really what you want. Is it really important in the big picture? As in, is it important to you as a person? What others think or might expect from you is not part of the question. The only thing that matters is what you as a person want to do.

This includes thinking about how you tune into that person so much, anticipating what you think they want and offering that, possibly going against what you feel or believe.

When you see those things, the next step is to choose what you want to do: go with what you really want, or stick to survival. It's a hard choice because even thinking about other possibilities goes against everything you've probably been doing for a whole lifetime!

I know it's vague. There's no direct way from wherever we are now to where we want to be. But that's the thing: there is a way and knowing and believing in that possibility is huge.

I know you're hurting, Muddy. There's a lot wrapped up and lots of layers. It's complicated.

In the end it all comes down to deciding if you want to fundamentally live your life, your way, for yourself.

(And we can go on to chat about how treatments focus on management, not healing, but that's probably another thread. Just look up the four goals of psychology for an overview)