Thanks guys

Thanks Lenny, maybe I am restricting myself with two options, but when I'm hurting so much it only seems like there are two. I am trying to get myself a job and I've enrolled on a First Aid for Children course, but that isn't until September. I am looking for other things to do too, it's just making that final push of picking up the phone or calling in (or turning up!)... I've lost a lot of confidence since I got depressed. Last week I started canoeing, although that's only once a week. My main problem is through the day every week day. I'm on my own and I'm very lonely and being lonely and on my own gives me time to think I guess, think of negative things.
You managed to put a smile back on my face, at least for now, thank you.

Thanks Goldmine, getting away isn't an option. And the pros and cons list, I don;t really want to do, because I KNOW there are more pros than cons... the only con is that I'm hurting a hell of a lot.

Thank you Ro, I struggle to think how I would cope in your situation, my boyfriend is 300 miles away when he's at university and when he's at home he's 60 mile away (although it only takes an hour for him to drive down), I would really struggle if I were to see him less than I do. I'm not seeing a therapist, I was but it didn't go so well and I ended up getting more and more anxious and worked up about going and it didn't help. I do see my old high schools social worker though. She's very helpful and supportive. I've never talked to her about my relationship though.

Clandestine, I do have Skype and we used to talk on there. He's just been so busy lately he hardly talks to me, he only seems to want to talk when it suits him too, so I tend to talk to him when it's convenient for him otherwise we don't get to talk. Thanks.

Thanks again guys, Molly