@ Blue_Bird have you been playing violin at all lately? I know I spent a majority of this summer at some level of dissociated (anywhere from feeling foggy/fuzzy to weeks of not remembering anything) but I picked up my bow again when I got back and I feel way more in touch with my senses when I practice and after. Just another idea.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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