I can tell how much heart you’ve put into this relationship, and it’s obvious how deeply you care. From what you’ve shared, his avoidant tendencies and your desire for more consistency, it sounds like you’ve been caught in a push-and-pull that leaves you feeling hurt and unheard. That doesn’t mean either of you is a bad person; it just shows that what you need and what he’s able to give right now might not be lining up.

From the way he’s spoken about things, saying he doesn’t know what he wants, doesn’t feel he can make you happy, and doesn’t have a plan, it seems like he’s not in a stable place to offer the kind of partnership you’re looking for. That doesn’t mean he didn’t care. It just means he may not have the readiness or tools to show up in the way you deserve.

If you do feel like reaching out, the most important thing is to be clear with yourself first. Ask yourself if you’re looking for closure or if you genuinely want to see if there’s something to rebuild. Knowing that will help you figure out how to approach him. If you reach out, keep it simple and calm, something like, “I care about you, and I’d like to see if we could have a conversation about where we stand. If you’re not ready, I’ll respect that and move forward.”

And if you do talk again, don’t lose sight of your own boundaries. Be honest with yourself about what you need, consistency, openness, effort; and know what you won’t keep tolerating. That way, if things slip back into old patterns, you won’t feel stuck. You’ll know when it’s time to let go.

No matter what happens, this has already taught you something valuable about yourself; about your attachment style and what you need in a relationship. That kind of self-awareness is a gift, and it’s going to help you create healthier, more balanced connections moving forward.

So yes, you can reach out if it feels right, but do it from a place of strength, not desperation. If he’s able to meet you halfway and show real growth, that’s wonderful. If not, you’ll know you gave it a fair chance, and you can walk away with peace of mind.