My mood was mostly fine at work, but as soon as I started to drive home it crashed hard. I'm sure it crashes when I am heading home because I don't have distractions like I do at work. I'm thankful the irritability I've been having didn't take over at work-I don't want to accidentally take it out on my students.

I don't know if I can handle a daily roller coaster of barely being able to get out of bed, to managing at work, to crashing hard when I get home. This bought of depression has me losing more hope than I normally do. I don't really have any hope left and it feels dangerous to hope in stability because I always lose it. I also find myself wanting to just give up the med game, keep things as is, and just accept how miserable I'll be so I don't have to keep going through the process of losing stability. The mood changes get harder every time they happen. And the SI gets worse with every depressive episode.