Yes, I have... it took me a long time (I think almost two years). I was afraid then. I took me awhile to work up to that because I knew I would be losing the most important thing to me (face to face contact). Also, I knew that lying on the couch would take down the walls for me-- the walls that I work so hard to keep up in order to keep myself safe. It is impossble to keep those walls up when you are on the couch.

My T used to work in a psychoanalytic institute. The couches were not your regular sofas, they were the real psychoanalytic couches. So one day, I got on the couch. I laid down and flipped myself over every 3 seconds, asking T, "Are you still there?" Before I knew it, free association was taking place. I experienced my first real regression in therapy. It was scary, but important. To this day, T maintains that it was scary for both of us and "we took care of each other" after I got up from the couch. He did not expect such an intense reaction to come out my first time on the couch.

My experience on the couch was a turning point in my relationship with T. It was the first time I had ever felt so scared, and so safe, at the same time. I took a risk. I LOVE taking risks in therapy. My risk was that I placed my unconscious in his hands, and allowed him to take care of me. I trust him one hundred percent that day.

It is interesting that this post comes up today because I was just at a training today in which I was talking to someone about this very subject--- this guy asked me if I had any ideas yet for my dissertation, and I was telling how I am interested in researched the couch vs. face to face contact in psychotherapy. There are many facets to this-- my situation was an unique one because I had already established that connection with with my T-- it existed two years prior to going on the couch. I think that must be very different for patients who only use the couch in psychoanalysis. I would like to research how the different modalities foster free association, and how they foster (or inhibit, depending on which one), the therapeutic connection and relationship.

My T has moved offices. There is no longer a couch. I regret this because I would love to do it again. Perhaps I will ask him about this tomorrow. He always says that therapy doesn't have to be done in the chairs, just facing each other. I know he mentioned there are other things we can do in the absence of the couch, like turning the chair around... It would be interesting for me to see how that differs from the couch experience.