As far as the mania this year, it's in the past. It's over. No one will pay as much attention to it as i might. Save for the propositioning and harassing R it was all forgettable. And R has forgiven me. He won't forget and i ruined my chance with him. I did the best i could. It wasn't very good. I accept that.

The seasons are changing here. It's nice that my change from mania to depression is coinciding with the change from Summer to Autumn. One of the uncharacteristic things i did while manic was get a shellac mani-pedi. The mani wore off a while ago but the pedi has been hanging on. Today i got it removed.

So that one last remnant of mania is gone. There's nothing to be done about the tattoos so i'll just have to bear them. At least i didn't get neck or face tattoos. It's just the one on my hand that is obtrusive and that one just says, "FAMILY IS ALL." Nothing controversial.

Not looking forward to the future but it's not my choice to live. There's nothing i can do about it. I'll keep going thru the motions and one day it will be over, hopefully sooner than later. I'm 59 now so it might not be too long. I look forward to my own death.