You know, the thing that made me get outside help was that I did hit my son on his back and I felt awful, and I also felt it was contradictory to what we were trying to teach him. I just don't think it's an effective way to teach children.

I loved using positive rewards. We did the smiley faces and after a certain amount he would earn a bigger prize (from the dollar store!)

As he grew older it moved onto other priveleges like going to a friend's or staying out later or even borrowing the car. He also NEVER lasted in timeout.

I think that when young children are out of control, they need us to be as consistent and calm as possible so they have something to bounce up against. They are actually scared when they behave that way and they don't understand it any better than we do.