(((((Griffe)))))
You don't need to apologize for anything. It wasn't fair that you were treated the way you were.
Continuing to blame your self only gives the power and control of your emotions and mental state to them again.
I know how hard it is to NOT let them into your mind, but if you can try to take back the control and try to think better of yourself a little bit at a time, that gives the control back to YOU. You deserve it because you are such a wonderful person and I am thankful that I have you as a friend.
Please give yourself big safe hugs from me.

BJ