Griffe,
I feel for you, I've never been an addict so I'm not going to pretend I know what you are going through. But Some of the most important people in my life are addicts and I worry about them everyday. Just know that you are loved.

I don't know if this is a good suggestion or not but when my brother is clean he keeps himself busy from the time he wakes up till the time he goes to sleep. I guess so he doesn't have to think about it.

Good luck, keep up the good work and know that you are loved.