Today T said something (I cannot remember what it was, lol) and my response was, "Oh, so you are saying that I look fat?" Of course this was a total projection. He didn't say that at all. I have just been conscious of my weight lately because I am very small, but from taking Lithium for 9 months (I am off of it now) and eating total crap, I have gained some weight. To other people, it is probably not noticeable. But I can't button my favorite pants and that annoys me. So after I said that to T, this is what happened:

T says, "Stand up."
I say, "What the hell are you talking about? No way."
He says, "Get up."
"No," I say. "You get up."
"Okay," says T. "I'll get up, too."
"Noooo!" I reply. "No one is getting up."
"C'mon. just get up."
"Fine."
So I get up.
"Now turn around," says T.
I sigh.
Then I do a dramatic twirl-around, with my arms up in the air.
"You don't look fat," he says.
I sit down.
"You are ridiculous," I tell him.

He then explained to me the difference between looking or being a certain way, and then FEELING that way. He said that I shouldn't invalidate my feelings (as I always do) because regardless of what I look like, it is what I'm feeling about myself that is important.

I love my T. He told me that he loves to "play" with me. I love to play, too. Winnicott defined the creative experience in therapy as one where the therapist and patient are both playing, in a way in which it overlaps. I love to play in therapy. It is what makes our interaction so natural and authentic to me.