I quit smoking 2 weeks ago. I'm not having a terrible time with cravings. As far as substitutes go - cinnamon sticks, celery, carrots or gum don't replace a cig for me. It's the whole act of lighting up, inhaling, the smell of the tobacco, that's the draw for me. So I've just accepted I'm going to have a craving sometimes, but that I'll get through it. Already my asthma is infinitely better.

And honestly, there is NO reason for me to think there's anything wrong with me physically. Yeah, I'll probably make an appt with my PCP, just so he can push and prod and tell me what I already know.

I have made several addt'l changes in my lifestyle - things I've meant to change for a long time, but it was just easier to be lazy. My diet wasn't bad to begin with (no fast or fried food, avoided trans-fats, etc.). But lately I've made an effort to learn which fruits and vegetables absorb a higher amount of pesticides, so I can look for organic. Have added more veggies that I'm not wild about, but know are good for me. Found ways of preparing them that make them more palatable.

Also have been treadmilling 30 minutes a day, which is totally new. First thing in the morning, no excuses. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm not doing too much at once, so I won't be overwhelmed and give up. I feel at peace with the changes, feel good about them, and sense that they are long-term changes, not just situational in response to my friend's illness.

I'm glad you asked, because writing about some of the details is helping to settle me down. Thank you.

I think in some way it may be easier for me to experience anxiety over myself - over something I know isn't really a serious problem - than it is for me to internalize how dire my friend's situation is. I haven't yet felt scared about having to lose her; since she doesn't yet look sick, it's hard to fully grasp the Stage IV metastasis that came at us all out of left field.

It helps to write here (I usually do the Depression board, but I'm happy to report that I've made significant improvement there). It helps to have responses here.

Thanks for your input and help.