Wow. This hits a question of mine precisely. I was abused by a member of the clergy (long story, but it was brought to justice).
My wife and I struggle with intimacy. Actually, she wants me to bring her joy, just like she brings me joy.
there is something in this beautiful, complicated mind of mine that restricts or hinders the urge to get intimate with my wife more often.
Great question. I hope you find hope and help here.