I have done it before.. But not for so long, I admit.. but... It's got to be done, I can't not do it, I have tried so many different ways, all of which haven't worked for me.. The only way I lost that first 7 lbs was because I ate less...

My height is around 5ft7in and my BMI is around 20. my weight at the moment is 9st 3.. I have to get down to at most 8st10.. That's how heavy I was when people called me fat and that's how heavy I was when I was happy with myself.. When I knew that I wasn't fat.. As soon as I got to 9 st, I felt huge..

I will perform.. No matter what.. I will make sure I do, no matter what it takes.. I will do it..

The one thing that has got to me the most out of all of this, though, is that someone I actually thought was my friend, really thought I trusted.. Went and told the one person I begged him not to tell because I knew she'd compete with me.. So now I'm competing with her.. And I am so, so adamant to win, that I will do anything to win.. I am telling her that I am not competing with her and that it's her problem that she's going through and that this is my problem, so I need to sort out my own and she needs to sort out her own..

So, now I'm at a loss.. I'm going to try and keep my distance from that friend because she'll just be watching me.. So I don't want to spend time with her now and that may sound awful, but I'll only make her worse if she's with me...