iamteddies

I'm so sorry that you are going through all this with your sister. You obviously love her very much and that shows in your concern for her and her marriage. Unfortunately, you are doing this to the point that it is affecting you as well.

To me, it is obvious that your sister and her husband need some marriage therapy. It looks like she is looking for evidence in his behaviour that she does herself. If she is going to continue to complain to you about her unhappy life, then why don't you suggest therapy to them, if you haven't already. If you've done this and she refuses, then there is nothing much more that you can do for them other than pray, if you are so inclined.

You have to start putting your own health above your love for your sister. Believe me, I know how hard that could be for you but if you are not healthy, then what help are you going to be for your own family and hers. I think the relationship you have with her has become toxic for you. I would have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her the effect that this is having on you and that you have to think about your own health and family and you can no longer help her if she is going to continue in her free for all lifestyle and not get any help for herself and her marriage. If she's unwilling to help herself, there is nothing you can do for her. I know that is hard to watch somebody you love behave in a way that is extremely unhealthy for them. I would also suggest that you get therapy for yourself so that you can learn to cope with dealing with this whole situation and putting your own health above that of your sister's. This is probably one of those situations where 'tough love' may need to be applied. You could tell your sister that you're willing to be there for her to support her but only on the condition that she actively do something to help herself but you must also put yourself first and tell her how it is affecting you. I know this is very difficult for you to do and that's where I think that therapy could help you with that and possibly your husband's support as well.

I hope that my advice is not off base and that it doesn't offend you. I'm not belittling the love you have for your sister in the least but she has to want to help herself too and you need to tell her what this is doing to you. Maybe even telling her just that will wake her up to do something about her own life when she finds out that you are being affected in a very negative way.

I hope it also doesn't offend you but I'm going to say some prayers for both you and your extended family. Please keep talking about it and keep us posted on what is going on. I hope that you will be strong enough to start putting your own health, physical, emotional and mentally ahead of that of your sister's, even though you love her very much. My heart goes out to you sweetie. This is one tough situation that you are in. I hope that you will find the strength to make yourself the priority. I know we tend to put our own selves last while trying to help those that we love but there comes a time when we have to draw boundaries andd that's what I think you need to do with your sister. Take care sweetie. ((((((((((((iamteddies))))))))))