I've been meaning to post here for awhile, I just get so confused everytime I try and start, I feel guilty because I feel I am taking time away from others, or there is that part in me that doesn't want to admit it.

I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do.
I'm so confused about it all.
I abuse alcohol, and it really scares me. I've abused it on and off ever since I was fourteen. It's gotten worse here latley,For almost a month I couldn't start my day without a drink in the morning. I've been clean for the past few days but I'm still scared I'm always teetering back in forth between safe and a mess.
I'm really confused and scared, I don't understand why I do this.
I'm just looking for some advice and support, this is so scary.