A woman came in work today and as I served her, I noticed she had loads of purple scars on her arms...

They were old, but you could tell that she made quite a mess of them - they looked like she had cut really deep.

Its really uspsetting when you see it from the other side. It makes me feel bad because id never want someone to go through the pain that I go through and the struggle that comes with it.

It also made me trigger off a bit. I miss it, I miss it even more, everyday my scars are fading and I need them there. I got jealous of that woman in a way because she still has her marks - as sick as it sounds... but its true. I hated work today because i was thinking about it and there was even one time when a co worker handed me a drawing pin to put in the bin, and I went on automatic and put it aside to save for when it was quiet and I could have a little dig... then I though 'what am I doing!??' and put it in the bin.

My cousin overdosed and is in hospital aswell. Shes been quite down for sometime, but I didnt realise she was that bad. Shes ok though I think. I hate to think she's been in the same 'should I , should I not' situation as me... it was just too bad she chose to go through with it and not get help.

oh, and my dad ate all my ben and jerrys

what a day, I hope tomorrows better

babyg xXx