I wonder if maybe pain and discomfort have become familiar to you, and you feel at some level that something is missing if you aren't hurting. Anything that is familiar might be comforting when you are distressed. Did you ever do anything to comfort yourself when you were small? Maybe developing a comfort ritual of some kind now would help you to have something to do instead when that urge to hurt yourself appears.
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”
– John H. Groberg
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