Well yes, I know that I contribute to the problem. If I didn't support him (voluntarily or not) then one would think that he'd be forced to support himself and get a job, find a place to live, pay his own rent. Etc. He supported himself when I first met him, so it's likely that he could/would do it again if he had to. But since he DOESN'T have to, one could say "well, why would he try, then?". Although I do know that it bothers him immensely to be without a job and depending on me has really hurt his self-esteem. It would hurt ANYONE's self esteem, I'd think.

Not exactly true about codependency as it relates to me. That might have been more true of me 10 years ago in my relationship with my ex-husband. I cared much more about what he thought about me, and his moods directly affected mine. My boyfriend's moods only sort of do... but I'm thinking that if I didn't still have SOME problems with codependency, then I wouldn't bother to walk on eggshells when he's feeling hypersensitive (which is very common for him when he's depressed). I don't take it as personally as I used to, though. In that sense, I'm getting better.

We all have issues. I don't think I'm depressed, at least not in the clinic sense that he is. I'm here for our relationship, not just for him, but since the absolute biggest problem in our relationship right now is that he is so stuck and nonfunctioning because of his depression, this is what I thought I should focus on. But that's a sign of codependency, too.



Ian is going to be a-ok!