I am so lost right now.
I don't know anything anymore.
I've been good sort of, I haven't cut but I have drank.
Which really is just as bad as the other so I take that back I haven't been good I have been awful, horrible, bad, and any other correlating adjtives you can think of to go with those listed.

July is so hard, this one has been the worse so far, I've made it through three anniversries and this one is the one I think I'll lose it.
Today has been bad, and it is only 11 am, I can only imagine how the rest of the day will be.
I think tonight will be the night I cave, the urges are to much, it's one after another after another. No matter what I do to fight them off I can't.
I've tryed everything, I've wrote my little heart out in my journal, page after page after page, my hands covered in ink everynight. I think to myself one more scar won't make a diffrence, then I answer back to myself, yes yes it will. I am fighting with myself, and I am losing.

So frustrated so angry, so much pain, I can't get rid of it. I'm silently screaming.