Hi, Jungian, welcome to PsychCentral. There are lots of good post by and about Narcissists in this section on personality disorders; peruse and maybe you'll find something that helps you in your particular situation. There's a long, interesting article I like here:

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The narcissist is a human pendulum hanging by the thread of the void that is his False Self. He swings between brutal and vicious abrasiveness – and mellifluous, saccharine sentimentality. It is all a simulacrum. A verisimilitude. A facsimile. Enough to fool the casual observer. Enough to extract the drug – other people's glances – the reflection that somehow sustains this house of cards. But the stronger and more rigid the defences – and nothing is more resilient than narcissism – the bigger and deeper the hurt the narcissist aims to compensate for. One's narcissism stands in direct relation to the seething abyss and the devouring vacuum that one harbours in one's True Self. Perhaps narcissists, as they are often accused, do choose narcissism. But it may be a rational choice of self-preservation and survival. The paradox is that being a self-loathing narcissist may be the only act of true self-love the narcissist ever commits.

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From: http://www.toddlertime.com/sam/17.htm