is out again. on a conference. lots a stuff surfacing; anger a lot, confusion, pieces of the puzzle that make sense some days and not others. i have emotions and then forget why i have them... and i can't process it with her. i did send her an email about my flashback (in DID) and she did actually respond with a "Hang in there" which was nice. But it reaffirmed that I will not see her this week (otherwise she would not have written).

Thankfully i will be seeing my divinely sent MD. and am working up to telling her something really important but also something i have a lot of shame around. it has to be written or the alters will switch so that she only gets the "best" side of us. I'm still not sure i can hand it to her, but it has a big impact on my health, and is really important. i'm just scared about it. i haven't even given it to T yet.