I really need some advice. I'm currently in-between therapists (I won't have one until the Fall) and I have no one to talk to.

I have this circle of friends (some are still kind of acquaintances) made up of former co-workers at a company I once worked for. Let's just say that I've always been at the fringe of this circle, meaning I get invited out for 'big' things, but mostly they're very close to each other. Anyway, I haven't disclosed my depression diagnosis to any of them so they don't know my take on this situation.

Tonight we had a BBQ and one girl who is usually at the center of attention was not there, but she came up as a topic of discussion. She has been going through a really difficult period recently, there have been some big changed in her life- her mom is sick, new job, etc... Anyway, she came up because one of the other women is really worried about her mental health. She thinks she might be depressed, which from personal experience is very possible.

To make a long story short, I just find myself completely JEALOUS of this girl. Jealous that these women are worried for her, that they care for her and want to do something to help her. Why didn't they do that for me? I had been suffering from depression for a number of years with plenty of suicidal ideation throughout and no one ever asked me if I was okay! No one ever seemed to think that there was anything wrong with me when the symptoms were so clear.

I feel like a complete ****** for feeling this way, but it makes me feel like people were willing to let me 'go' (die is probably a better word) , and this girl is too important for that. Her, they want to help. I feel guilty for having these thoughts. I'm no more important than she is. She deserves support as much as I did (even though I didn't have any. I went through the entire diagnostic process on my own).

I feel like crap. I miss my old pdoc so much, just because he was someone I could tell this too and now I'm stuck ruminating over these feelings all by myself.

Does anyone have an opinion? Is this part of what depression is, or am I just being cruel?