A couple of things are coming to me.

(1) You have to take care of yourself. You can't make someone get better if they don't want to and are not willing to make the effort. You are a wonderful person to try and to care about him so much, but I hope you know where your limit is and don't get dragged down from trying so hard and not getting the results you want and just being worn out from all the trying.

(2) Since the medicine is kicking in now, maybe he could start to find some direction. My feeling is that there is probably some reason why he has stayed down so long. If I put myself in his place the thing that I see is I would be frustrated and sick of just trying to find some job to get by with when I know that I have the potential for more. Intelligent people need to be challenged, and if they are not, problems like depression happen.

In fact, I'm seeing myself in this situation. I had been getting more and more depressed each year. When I first got my animals and being a farm hobbyist/homemaker/mom was a new thing that I was learning about, I was okay for a while. Then I reached a point where there wasn't much growing room left in that and I just got more and more depressed. I thought that what I needed was to get recognition for what I was doing and earn money at it, so I got fiber processing equipment and set myself up processing wool and selling it. But that is boring, and my equipment is out in a little shed with only one window and it's isolated out there and lonely and not challenging. I just couldn't motivate myself to go out there and work on processing wool. I was not getting anything done and the depression just kept getting worse.

(I hope that paragraph isn't too long!)

I also had an unfinished degree. I have gone around for 12 years telling everyone how worthless my degree would be anyway because I didn't get into graduate school and can't do anything in my fields with a bachelor's degree. When I decided to try to get into a graduate program, and started to believe that there was a chance, I started to feel better. It's not a smooth road. I'm not in yet - I'm working on finishing up my bachelor's degree and sometimes stumbling around with that - but I think it was the answer I needed.

Sorry about that side trip; now back to your BF.

Maybe just looking for any old job feels pointless to him. He needs a goal that he feels good about, that can make him excited. He will have to find it himself, but you can support him in the search for what he really wants to do. Maybe it is to finish his degree, or maybe it's something else. Only he can tell what it is, and he probably doesn't know right now.

There might be obstacles in his path for doing what he really wants to do and he might think there is no way past them. That was what I thought too. What resources are there that could help deal with the obstacles? Has he tried vocational rehabilitation? Is it possible to finish that engineering degree where you live? I don't know what else, but something has kept him from progressing and he probably feels trapped. There are solutions, but it might take a lot of effort to find them. How does he feel about your relationship? Is he interested in marriage? Does he feel like he is contributing to the relationship? Does he need more space?

Anyway, there are lots of possible answers, and you and he might not like all of them, but try to explore whatever ideas come up and be open minded. Consider more than one solution.

Good luck to both of you!

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>