Your thoughts were very organized and coherent, Ally.

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Do t's and pdocs know how you're really feeling if you don't spell it out in words?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> No, they really need our words so they can understand. It's hard and can take time, but it's a good thing to work on trying to find the words to describe the depth of our pain. Just like there would be no way of knowing these thoughts of yours you expressed here in your post without reading your words, T's need to hear your words.

What a shame that your friend chose a field for which she seems to have no compassion, or does not have the courage to let her compassion show in an adverse setting. Maybe she is finding her way yet too.

Those at the get together have opinions and behaviors that can be accepted or rejected. Their prejudices are theirs and are about them, not about you.

I doubt that keeping everything to yourself is of any help to you or makes you feel better. It's a good thing to seek treatment--it's a gift you give compassionately to yourself. It sounds like you're missing therapy and will be glad to get back to it in the fall. There is no shame in wanting to feel better, wanting to accomplish what we wish to accomplish, wanting the life we want. Seeking help is very pro-active, very self-caring, very intelligent, and courageous. We're lucky to see we don't have to stay stuck, stagnant, feeling unwell.

Go toward compassion, be curious about you and other people, and life!