(((((( kesa19 ))))))

sounds to me like you have a pretty strong belief in God. you can always rely on that. He'll always be there for you.

you seem to be attaching the way you dealt with things in the past - by being detached, etc. - to your connection with God.

you say "I can't do it anymore. I can't go back to being strong and disconnected from people and I'm afraid that's what will happen if I connect with God again. "

i really do not think it was your connection to God that made you disconnect from people. and the work you've done in therapy, etc. and the changes you've made in your life will not just disappear if you pray to God for strength.

in fact, God has been with you through all of your troubles. He's never left your side. He knows everything you've gone through. He knows what's in your heart.

you never have to fear that trusting in God and relying on God will hurt you. and just because you rely on God doesn't mean you can't rely on people as well.

God never asks us not to connect with other people! in fact, He encourages us to love our neighbor! and God does hold you and talk to you. He holds you through the people He puts in your life to hold you and He talks to you through the people He puts in your life to talk to you...maybe even me through this post?!

don't be afraid to pray. but if you are, tell God that! God is there to listen. and to love. He's there to provide comfort. praying doesn't mean all your problems will magically disappear. but prayer can lighten your load just a bit.

take care. and God bless!